


By My Side (Always)

by jaeminsrenjun



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Canon Universe, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Growing Up, Inspired by Real Events, Jaemin-centric, M/M, Slice of Life, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-02
Updated: 2018-06-02
Packaged: 2019-05-14 21:42:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,056
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14777744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jaeminsrenjun/pseuds/jaeminsrenjun
Summary: Jaemin clasps their hands together as tightly as he can and looks him straight in the eye, trying to show Renjun that he means it. “Injunnie, I promise,” he tells him with the whole of his heart.“Good,” Renjun whispers, and Jaemin’s heart clenches at the small smile Renjun flashes his way.





	By My Side (Always)

At age 14, Jaemin joins SM Entertainment. Before that, speed-skating is all he’s ever known – he’s been skating since elementary school and after school training sessions at the rink have been a routine for as long as he can remember. People tell him he has potential, and that he should consider training professionally. But Jaemin doesn’t really care – he enjoys speed-skating wholeheartedly and doesn’t think too much about where his hobby will get him.

It’s a surprise to him when a scout from SM Entertainment approaches him while he’s volunteering at an animal shelter and gives him her name card. She explains that he has the makings of an idol, and that with SM’s rigorous training, he could be fully prepared for debut within three years. Jaemin only vaguely knows what being an idol entails, but from what she describes it sounds like fun, so he agrees.

He officially joins SM in the summer of 2014. The first person he meets is Jeno, bumping into him while he’s lost in the maze of corridors of the SM building, trying to find the dance studio. Jeno has eyes that curve into slits when he smiles, and a voice as soft as velvet. Jaemin takes an instant liking to him. Jeno brings him to the dance studio and introduces him to Mark, Donghyuck and Jisung. As expected of boys their age, they quickly become fast friends, often heading home together after practice or hanging out on the weekends.

Jaemin gives up speed-skating because he doesn’t have the time or energy to cope with both. He easily falls into his new routine of going to school, rushing off to practice, coming back home for dinner, and doing an hour or two of homework before bed. He barely sees his parents except on weekends and has rejected more hangout invitations from his friends than he can count until eventually, they stop asking. He feels betrayed initially, a little hurt and confused, but he comes to terms with the fact that sacrifices have to be made if he is serious about pursuing a career in entertainment. Having the rest of the trainees with him makes it more bearable.

 

 

They train and it’s hard work and in late 2015, a new trainee is introduced. He speaks Korean with almost no accent, and Jaemin thinks he’s unbelievably fluent for a foreigner – in fact, he wouldn’t have guessed if they hadn’t already told him. Jaemin is impressed.

“Hello, I’m Huang Renjun.” He introduces himself to the five of them in the dance studio. He’s smiling but it doesn’t reach his eyes, and Jaemin can tell that he’s nervous and a bit intimidated. He tells himself that he will do all he can to befriend the new boy.

“Ron-jin? Is that right?” Jaemin asks, then winces. That sounds nothing like his name.  

“No, not really. It’s Ren. Jun.” The boy says his name again slowly, enunciating every syllable.

“Renjun. Got it.” It’s a pretty name, Jaemin thinks, and it suits him well. The rest of them introduce themselves to Renjun and they spend the next hour sitting in a circle, sharing facts and anecdotes about themselves. By the end, Jaemin thinks Renjun is a lot more comfortable with them, and his chest feels light.

Renjun has a snaggletooth and messy hair. He’s also very small and skinny. Jaemin thinks he doesn’t eat enough. That very day, he goes home and asks his mother to pack extra lunch. When she asks, he tells her he’s made a new friend.

The next day, Jaemin offers Renjun some of his mum’s ddeokbeokki and smiles in an almost motherly fashion as he sees how the boy’s eyes light up. Renjun thanks him and bites into a rice cake.

“Wow, your mum is amazing,” Renjun praises, mouth full of ddeokbeokki. “I haven’t had home-cooked food in a while, so this is really good.”

Jaemin cracks a smile upon seeing Renjun’s expression. “Do you miss China?”

“Yeah, it’s hard. I call my parents everyday but I still miss them all the time.” Jaemin can hear the fondness in his voice as he speaks of his parents, and see the wistfulness plain on his face. He admires Renjun, really, for being so brave and travelling to a foreign country to chase his dreams at such a young age. He doesn’t think he could’ve done the same.

He brings extra food for Renjun every day after that. Renjun complains that Jaemin is making him fat, but always eats whatever he brings anyway.

 

 

A few months later, they release their first song, Chewing Gum. Chenle joins them along the way, and now it’s the seven of them who debut as NCT Dream. Jaemin discovers that he loves every bit of it – performing, meeting fans, going on shows and interviews. He feels blessed to be able to do what he loves alongside his best friends. Everything’s going so smoothly that he doesn’t see how anything could go wrong.

Until it does.

Jaemin feels it one day when he’s practising. One minute he’s fine and the next he’s sprawled on the floor, one hand holding his back, biting his bottom lip so hard it bleeds. They send him to the hospital and the X-ray results show that it’s a herniated disc. Apparently, it’s been there since before debut, but the constant exertion during their promotion period took its toll on him. Jaemin doesn’t understand why the world would play such a cruel joke on him, letting him feel happiness only to snatch it away from him in such a short time.

It’s hard. It really is. When the doctors tell him he won’t be able to dance for the first two months, he spends the first week soaking the blanket of his hospital bed with tears. His mum brings him all his favourite food and listens as he unleashes the jumble of thoughts that have been consuming him ever since he felt the sharp stab of pain through his spine.

“It’s unfair,” Jaemin laments, while his mum envelopes him in a hug. “It’s so damn unfair.” A million different emotions overwhelm him and the agitation is palpable in his voice.

“I know, Jaemin-ah, I know. And I’m so sorry.” His mum strokes his back, gently until Jaemin calms down. “You gotta stay strong, alright? You have to recover.”

He nods wordlessly. He has no other choice.

 

 

The members drop in and visit Jaemin from time to time while he recuperates in the hospital. Jeno comes the most often, staying with him for hours just talking about everything and nothing. He regales him with stories from their dorm, such as the pranks Donghyuck has pulled, the silly and sometimes weird things that Mark says, or what the twin devils Chenle and Jisung get up to on a regular basis. Jaemin is grateful for his best friend, and how his presence helps to ease the loneliness and the pain.

Renjun comes too, though not as frequently. Whenever he visits, he brings a new drawing of Moomin and pastes it on the hospital walls.

“So that you can remember me,” Renjun explains, when Jaemin asks him why he does it. Lying in bed, Jaemin takes a closer look at the drawing he brought this time – it’s one of Moomin, with wings, soaring through the night sky. He likes the twinkling stars and how they contrast with the dark expanse of sky behind them.

“Do you know what this means?” Renjun asks. Jaemin shakes his head – he thought it was just a drawing, not realising that there was something more to it.

“This is you,” Renjun says, pointing at the Moomin he drew. “The drawing is supposed to represent you being free soon. It won’t be long before you come back to us and NCT Dream is complete again.” This is just before NCT Dream start promoting My First and Last, and Renjun had his hair dyed bright orange. Jaemin breaks into a smile, making eye contact with Renjun. He sits up and shifts closer to him.

“Thanks, Injunnie. They told me I can get discharged from the hospital soon, and I can continue recovering at home. I just need to come back for regular physiotherapy and check-ups on my condition.” Jaemin lets both his legs dangle over the hospital bed, watching as Renjun sticks his newest Moomin drawing on the wall. At this rate, there doesn’t seem to be room for more drawings.

“Hey, that’s great!” Renjun pauses and surveys the Moomin drawings adorning the walls of the ward with satisfaction. “You’re gonna take my Moomin drawings back home with you, right?”

Jaemin chuckles. “Of course! I really like them, I promise to keep them forever.” He then shoots Renjun a look so full of tenderness that the latter blushes and averts his gaze. Seeing that Renjun doesn’t intend to reply, Jaemin speaks again.

“Nice hair, by the way.”

“Oh! You think?” Renjun laughs a little nervously and scratches the back of his head, mussing up his orange hair a little.

“Yeah! It really suits you.” Jaemin nods emphatically. Renjun with orange hair is so _bright_ , Jaemin imagines it’s what it would look like if a million suns decided to cluster into the shape of a person.

“That’s a relief. I was kind of worried because this colour is so different. So _loud._ I didn’t know if I could pull it off.”

“Trust me, you do. And you own it. I’m kind of jealous to be honest, I want a cool hair colour too,” Jaemin pouts and Renjun ruffles his hair in response, laughing shyly.

“You’ll definitely get the coolest hair colour when you’re back. I’m sure of it.” To emphasise his point, Renjun thumps his chest twice.

“I’ll hold you to it,” Jaemin says, laughing, and Renjun joins in. Their laughter reverberates in the ward and echoes down the corridor.

 

 

The week later, Jaemin moves back home. From then on, his recovery proceeds as expected and it’s a few more months before the doctors tell him he’s fully recovered and can start practicing again. When he tells the members the news through a video call, Chenle screeches in excitement and Jaemin almost drops his phone, because damn, _that kid is loud._ Chenle apologises only half-heartedly after the members chide him, shrugging. “I don’t care, this is the best news I’ve heard so far.”

“This is amazing! I’m so happy, we missed you so much!” Mark tells him in earnest. His eyes are shining and he looks like he might actually start tearing up. Jaemin has to look away.

“Yeah, the dorm was really boring without you,” Jisung says, wrinkling his nose cutely. “And the hyungs were ten times more annoying than usual.”

“No, you were annoying,” Donghyuck retorts.

“No, you,” Jisung shoots back. Jaemin scoffs and rolls his eyes. Seems like things haven’t changed one bit. The faint worries he had about not being able to fit in after being gone for so long vanish immediately and he thinks move-in day can’t come soon enough.

“What do you need? Should I clean your room for you? Do you want new furniture? Should I maybe steal Jeno’s air freshener and–” Renjun is interrupted by an indignant yell from Jeno, who seems affronted that he would even suggest such a thing.

“Guys, guys, chill. It’s fine, don’t make such a big fuss. I’m just moving back to stay with you guys, that’s all,” Jaemin tells them, eyes shining with mirth. “It’s not like I just came back from war or something.”

“But it kinda is though? You won the battle against your injury. You deserve to be treated like a hero,” Renjun says in all seriousness, and Jaemin’s heart is so full he feels it might explode.

“Agreed!” The rest chime in, calling Jaemin ‘hero-Jaem’ and ‘soldier Nana’ and the like while Jaemin flushes and hides his face with his hands.

He really, _really_ can’t wait to be back.

 

 

Jaemin moves back into the dorms in November. It’s a cold day, the first hints of winter seeping in, and he shivers a little as his dad drops him off outside the Dream dorms. He doesn’t have a lot of stuff with him, only two suitcases of mostly clothes and a few pairs of shoes. He pulls his luggage behind him through the familiar walkway, entering the lift with the same musty smell that he finds oddly comforting. The trip to their floor takes exactly 15 seconds just like always, and it’s 20 seconds later that Jaemin knocks on the brown door he last saw over a year ago.

The door opens and Renjun’s there staring at him for a little longer than he expects. Jaemin smiles at him tentatively. “Jaemin-ah, you’re back! We missed you!” Renjun pulls him into a tight hug as soon as he steps through the door.

They’ve both grown since they last saw each other. Whereas previously Renjun and Jaemin were about the same height, Jaemin has since had a growth spurt and now the top of Renjun’s head just about comes up to Jaemin’s ears as he holds him.

Jaemin smiles and ruffles Renjun’s hair. “Injun-ah, I missed you guys so much too, you have no idea.” He allows himself a few seconds to bask in Renjun’s warmth, before releasing him. He’s then seized into a bone-crushing hug by Chenle.

“Help! Can’t. Breathe,” Jaemin shrieks as it seems Chenle is determined to squeeze the last breath of air he has out of his lungs. Then Jeno hugs him, then Jisung. By the time everyone’s finished hugging him, Jaemin is panting hard, trying to breathe normally.

“You guys… Love you too I guess,” Jaemin shrugs and massages his shoulder. He’s a little overwhelmed by everyone crowding around him, smiling and laughing. The last time he was together with the rest of the members like this felt like ages ago – Jaemin realises it has been a little more than a year. It’s been way too long. Now, with everyone standing around him, he somehow can’t look away from the boy in front of him, who’s beaming at him with the most beautiful smile.

“Come on, let’s unpack your stuff. Your room is a little different since Mark-hyung and Donghyuck used it during We Young, but I hope you don’t mind.” Renjun takes Jaemin by the wrist and pulls him along.

 _When did he become so pretty?_ It’s odd, Jaemin thinks, because surely he would have noticed that Renjun was growing up so nicely… wouldn’t he? It’s almost dusk; the warm glow of the sun filtering in through the windows suits him so much more than the harsh white light of the hospital ward. Renjun is practically glowing as he drags Jaemin to his room, proudly declaring that he cleaned the whole room with Jeno and Mark’s help. He sits Jaemin down on the bed and then starts to unpack his two large suitcases, refusing point blank when Jaemin tries to help. After a while, Donghyuck, Mark and Jeno join them and help Renjun unpack, while Jisung and Chenle stand in the corner “for moral support”. Jaemin watches the scene before him and smiles. He’s glad to be back.

At dinner, Donghyuck serves up a feast (with their manager’s help) and everyone is sitting at the table, laughing and reminiscing about old times. Jaemin feels nostalgic. He’s missed this. He’s missed them. He listens to the raucous conversation, laughs and joins in with a quip or two. But most of all he finds his eyes drifting to Renjun, seated at the far end. His snaggletooth is almost completely straight now, and Jaemin perceives a quiet confidence radiating from him that wasn’t there before. Though when Jaemin looks closer, he still recognises some part of Renjun as the quiet and skinny boy that he used to bring food for. He innately marvels at how time has changed him. How time has changed _them_.

If he is to be honest, it scares him. Growing up has always been his biggest fear. He doesn’t look forward to the prospect of being an adult, of losing his innocence and the ability to experience happiness for the smallest of reasons. Seeing the subtle changes in Mark as he turns 20 and prepares to graduate, Jaemin understands that it’s inevitable and will happen to all of them. But that doesn’t make him any less worried.

He catches himself before his mind wanders any further and decides that he’ll worry about that later. Right now, he’s back with his members and nothing will stop him from having a good time.

 

 

On the second last day of January, all of NCT Dream (except Mark and Donghyuck, who are flying the next day) fly to Los Angeles to film their newest music video, Go. They’re all excited because it’s the furthest away from Korea they’ve ever travelled. Chenle, taking it a step too far, refuses to stop speaking in English ever since they’ve arrived at the airport and Jaemin may or may not want to strangle him.

“I am Chenle. I am legend,” he proclaims, thumping his chest twice as they wait to board the plane. “My English is the best. Better than Mark.” Renjun just rolls his eyes while Jaemin snickers.

“I’m not sitting with you,” Renjun huffs. “Annoying little shit.”

Chenle gives him a look of disdain. “Pfft, I’ll sit with Jisung instead. You just can’t appreciate greatness even when it’s right in front of you.”

“Ya! You little–” Before Chenle can escape he’s locked in a chokehold and reduced to high-pitched screams, Renjun looking at him with a dangerous glint in his eyes. Jaemin looks on intently, terrified yet fascinated. They’ve switched to speaking Chinese now, so Jaemin doesn’t understand much of what they’re saying. At this point, Renjun asks Chenle something, while slowly tightening the hold around his neck. Chenle answers in a pleading way, which seems to satisfy Renjun, and he lets go. Chenle then rubs his neck sheepishly, and Jaemin swears he sees Jeno and Jisung both inch away from Renjun.

Jaemin totally gets why they did that. He would do the same if not for the fact that Renjun doesn’t choke him. In fact, everyone has been a victim of Renjun’s infamous chokeholds except him. Rather, Renjun attacks him with something else – tickles. He was the first to discover Jaemin’s weakness, when he tickled the latter’s underarms while they were filming the music video for Chewing Gum. Not expecting it, Jaemin squirmed and shouted, making a right fool of himself on set. Renjun wouldn’t let him live it down till this day. Armed with this knowledge, Renjun started making his days a living nightmare, tickling him when he was least expecting it, especially when he wanted to get his way.

Jaemin stopped getting tickled after he got hurt, but now that he’s back, so are the tickles. To be completely honest, he doesn’t hate them. Not when he sees how happy Renjun gets when doing so. He secretly likes that the tickles are sort of their thing, something that none of the rest do to each other.

Jaemin drags Jeno and Renjun to sit together with him on the plane. Their manager hands them a camera that they’re supposed to record themselves with. “Try to be funny. The videos will be released to fans who buy the album.”

“Hear that, Jeno? Try to be funny. I know it’s hard for you, but at least try,” Renjun says. Jeno just laughs it off, used to it by now. Jaemin snorts. Of course, this is someone who once gave Jeno an award for being less funny than usual. Renjun is an absolute savage and Jaemin loves him for it.

“Pity, we should’ve filmed that.” Jaemin turns the camera around in his hands, trying to figure out how to turn it on. After some fiddling, he succeeds and holds it out in front of them. “Done.”

Renjun’s busy with his phone, so Jaemin takes selfies with Jeno instead. They fool around a bit, doing dumb stuff in front of the camera, and Renjun soon joins in.

“Everyone. These are the babies I’m taking care of.” Jaemin lightly touches their chins. Renjun doesn’t feel like the oldest among them, even though he is. Maybe it’s because of his height, which makes him look tiny standing beside them. Or maybe it’s because of how he lets the maknaes, Jisung and Chenle, completely walk over him. Whatever it is, it makes everyone, especially Jaemin, want to take care of him.

“Look at this,” Renjun says, pulling the Stitch hood attached to his neck pillow over his head to cover his eyes. Jaemin resists the urge to laugh and pinch his cheeks.

“That’s so cute,” he gushes.

“Swag,” insists Renjun.

“Renjun-ah, you’re cute when you do that,” Jaemin coos, but it falls on deaf ears as Renjun continues to show off his non-existent “swag”. For someone who claims to be a _dongbei da ge,_ Renjun falls on the cute side rather than the manly side, even though he refuses to accept it.

They hear the pilot announce the plane’s imminent take-off so they decide to end the recording. As they say goodbye, Jaemin surprises Jeno with a loud peck on the cheek and the latter’s look of genuine shock cracks him up once they stop recording. It’s no big deal because Jaemin is openly affectionate with Jeno at the dorms, and they give each other little kisses and pecks often. The only difference is this time around, there’s a camera to capture that. Slightly embarrassed, Jeno turns to look out the window and doesn’t say a word.

Jaemin rubs Jeno’s back, attempting to placate him. “Don’t be mad at me. You know it’s harmless.”

“Go away,” Jeno huffs, refusing to look at him.

“Alright, alright. I’m sorry. Shouldn’t have caught you off guard. I’ll buy you bubble tea next time.”

“… That’s more like it.” Jaemin smiles upon hearing that and squeezes Jeno’s shoulders twice for good measure. He then turns to Renjun, plucks an Airpod out of his ear without warning and puts it in his own ear.

“Ariana Grande again? Is that all you ever listen to?” Jaemin teases as _Into You_ plays. Renjun prickles, shoots him a glare.

“If you’re gonna complain about my music taste then just give it back. You always steal my stuff without permission.”

Jaemin grins; Renjun’s cute even when he’s annoyed. “But you let me. And it’s constructive criticism, Injunnie. You got to learn how to accept it.”

Renjun glares at him again. “Do you want to listen to music or not?”

“Okay fine, I’ll shut up.”

“You better.”

 

 

They have more fun than expected while shooting the MV. The scenes are shot not on a set, but on the streets of Los Angeles, wherever suits the director’s fancy. He doesn’t believe in giving them a strict set of instructions to follow; instead, he gives them an overview of the vibe he’s going for and lets them interpret it however they want. Now, they’re walking under the flickering street lamps, occasionally pausing to shoot against an interesting backdrop.

Jaemin hasn’t stopped staring at Renjun since he was done with his make-up. His jaw practically hit the floor when Renjun emerged from the make-up room earlier. Jaemin is used to Renjun appearing cute and innocent, but this time he looks completely different. With dark hair tousled to perfection, turquoise contacts and a shirt that shows just the slightest hint of his collarbones, Renjun is stunning. Dangerous, even. Jaemin can hardly reconcile the fact that this is the same boy who was being adorable in a Stitch hood earlier.

_Wow. He’s gorgeous._

To be fair all the members look amazing after they’ve done their make-up and hair, but Jaemin thinks Renjun pulls off the look the best. Jisung and Chenle are still too young to suit a concept like this, while Jeno lacks the feeling of rebelliousness. Mark and Haechan aren’t mysterious enough. Renjun, however, has the perfect mix of menace and mystique – and Jaemin can’t look away.

“Why – why do you keep staring at me?” Renjun pulls Jaemin aside to ask when the director gives them a break from filming.

“Is it obvious?” Jaemin murmurs. He lets his gaze travel down from Renjun’s eyes, lingering on his lips, before glancing at his jawbone and clothes. Renjun grows slightly self-conscious and straightens his hoodie.

“Yeah, it is.”

“I mean, you look good. Like, really good. Like, I’ve never seen this side of you before,” Jaemin tells him honestly.

Renjun laughs. _Even his laugh is pretty._

“Wow… thanks. Wasn’t expecting that.”

“Nor was I when you suddenly attacked me with your good looks,” Jaemin says without thinking, then groans audibly. He doesn’t usually flirt with Renjun – never this openly, in fact – and he’s a little embarrassed.

Renjun’s stunned for a second, expression frozen as he processes what Jaemin has just said. He then contorts his face trying to suppress his laughter. Jaemin relaxes ( _At least he’s laughing!_ he thinks) and the corners of his lips curve upwards as well.

“Your flirting is unbearable.” Jaemin raises an eyebrow at that and Renjun instantly loses it, laughter erupting from him as he doubles over, clapping.

“Chill, Renjun. Anyone would think you were hyperventilating.” Jaemin hauls Renjun, who’s now squatting down and still laughing, back up on his feet. It wasn’t even _that_ funny. Still, his heart does a little flip seeing Renjun laugh. Maybe he should flirt with him more often, if that’s what it takes to amuse him.

Renjun’s laughter takes a while to subside. “Na Jaemin? Flirting with me? Now that’s a first.”

 _First, but not the last_ , Jaemin thinks.

 

 

Before they come back with Go, the 00 liners do a V-Live broadcast. Their manager warns them, especially Donghyuck, not to spoil anything – but they do it anyway, dancing a key part of the choreography and repeating the word “go” endlessly. The fans catch on pretty quickly and Jaemin’s sure they won’t hear the end of it from their manager, who monitors every single one of their broadcasts. That doesn’t stop any of them though – it’s been far too long since they’ve had a comeback as seven, and the fans deserve everything for supporting them throughout the wait.

Jaemin flirts with Jeno throughout the broadcast because it’s easy. Because it’s _Jeno._ For the most part, Jeno is clingy, touching Jaemin at every given chance and Jaemin indulges him, sometimes reciprocating when he feels like it. It’s just the way the two of them interact – they both like physical contact, so naturally when they’re together, they’re all over each other. While Renjun and Donghyuck are reading comments, Jeno slings an arm over Jaemin’s shoulder and stares at him, so Jaemin turns and gazes at him, then at his lips, causing Jeno to panic and move his head away. Jaemin chuckles at how flustered the other boy is. It’s mild, harmless fun and nothing more – they’re close enough to both be more physically affectionate with each other than with the rest of the members.

With Renjun however, it’s different. Today he’s wearing a blue hoodie with laces that dangle in front of his face when he puts the hood up. It’s so unbearably adorable that Jaemin just wants to protect him, really, and maybe cuddle him a bit. He’s sure he’s been staring at Renjun for at least half of the V-Live but he can’t help it, because Renjun is remarkably pretty. His eyes sparkle like they hold the stars and his lips, full and soft, thin out a little when he laughs, showing bright white teeth. When Renjun turns to look at Donghyuck, giving Jaemin a good view of his side profile, he suddenly yearns to reach out and trace the soft curve of Renjun’s jawline. He knows he could if he wanted to – Renjun’s right beside him and it would be _so_ easy to stretch a hand out and close that distance – but he doesn’t. Instead, Jaemin settles for simply gazing at him and committing every little action of his to memory.

They talk about their nicknames and Renjun is greatly amused by Donghyuck’s nickname, Dongsook, thanks to that one time he dressed up as a girl during SM Rookies. Jaemin, realising Renjun doesn’t have one yet, suggests that the fans come up with nicknames for him. Ideas fill the screen rapidly, most of them related to Moomin or variations on his name, Injun.

“Injeolmi,” Jeno reads.

“Injeolmi!” Renjun repeats happily, laughing with his head thrown back. They go through a few more suggestions, but it’s clear that Renjun likes Injeolmi the best. Jaemin likes it too. It suits Renjun, he thinks, as they’re both soft and squishy.

Renjun remains oblivious to the way Jaemin gazes at him for the rest of the broadcast, eyes full of adoration, and perhaps something more.

 

 

Gradually, it becomes a habit. Jaemin stares at Renjun. A lot.

Not his fault Renjun is so breath-taking. He thinks Renjun could be saying anything and he’d still be mesmerised by the way his lips utter the syllables that fall from his mouth, the movement of his jawline, and the way his eyes curve when he smiles. Renjun reminds Jaemin of the yellow flowers that bloom in his grandmother’s garden every spring, turning the garden into a golden oasis and showering light upon everyone who passes.

Today they’re doing a V-Live with Chenle, watching the Baby Don’t Stop MV for the first time. Once everything is set up and they’re ready to go, Renjun presses play. He and Chenle are instantly absorbed in the video, eyes closely following the movements of Taeyong and Ten. The three of them were sitting equidistant from one another at first, but somehow after turning to face the laptop Jaemin finds Renjun’s back pressed against his chest – so close that Jaemin can smell his shampoo and see the fine hairs on the nape of his neck.

Jaemin does watch the video, but he can’t help being distracted by the boy sitting next to him who’s moving to the beat. Said boy, who is utterly ethereal, and utterly oblivious. While the Chinese members make little comments throughout the video, Jaemin remains silent, not trusting himself to say anything that won’t give away how quickly his heart is beating. Instead, he slowly leans into Renjun as much as he can without losing his balance, occasionally resting his chin on his shoulder. Renjun doesn’t seem to mind.

“Wow! Black and white!” Renjun exclaims as the video comes to the scene where Taeyong and Ten dance in contrasting tops. Jaemin is impressed, too. Rather than steal the spotlight, Ten and Taeyong complement each other so well that one’s stage presence amplifies that of the other. Jaemin can only hope that one day, he would be able to perform like that.

The MV comes to an end and Renjun asks them, “How do you feel?”

“They’re so good,” gushes Chenle. “As expected.”

“The two of them were sort of like fire and water,” Renjun turns to Jaemin and says. “Put them together…”

“If you put fire and water together, doesn’t it go out?”

Renjun sighs exasperatedly – Jaemin is logical to a fault sometimes. “If you say that, then I have nothing to say.”

Jaemin chuckles. _God, he’s so cute._

Renjun persists, “More shocking, boom!” He throws his hands into the air in an attempt to illustrate what he means.

“Boom!” Jaemin copies him, hand actions and all.

“BOOM!” repeats Renjun.

“Then isn’t it fire and oil?” Jaemin teases, and Renjun wants to bang his head against a wall, eliciting laughter from Jaemin. All the time, while they talk, he stares at Renjun and wonders _why is he so pretty_ and _is he even real._

He doesn’t even try to be subtle at all.

 

 

During the moving broadcast with Mark and Jeno, a question he doesn’t expect comes up.

“Jaemin-ah, how come you have the same bracelet as Renjun?” Jeno reads out.

“Injunnie? This one?” He shows the silver Daniel Wellington bracelet on his right wrist that he’s been wearing daily for a while now. “This is just… I bought it just… uh…” His heart is racing and he stutters as he tries to think about how to phrase it properly. “I just bought it and I wonder how fans came to know about this.”

_Not answering the question. Brilliant stalling tactic, Jaem._

Jeno saves him. “I heard it’s a birthday present for Renjun. It’s a bit early.”

Jaemin latches onto that like it’s a lifesaver. “I had the idea and I bought it for him.”

Upon hearing that, Jeno laughs, “Jaemin doesn’t give people presents on their birthdays.” He and Mark then start discussing Jaemin’s habit of always giving presents too early or too late. Relieved, Jaemin organises his train of thought, and says, “So, for his birthday gift, I gave it and started wearing the same one.”

They laugh and move on to other questions. Jaemin secretly heaves a sigh of relief. He made the gift-giving sound straightforward, but little did the rest know how much turmoil it actually caused him. The question of what to get Renjun for his birthday had been on his mind since the beginning of the year – he wanted the gift to be special and memorable, which was harder than expected. Jaemin had missed out on getting Renjun a present last year, so he wanted to make it up to him this year all the more. To do that, he solicited all the Dream members’ opinions, and even asked Sicheng and Kun, just to make sure he was getting Renjun something he would like and actually use. The consensus was to get something not just practical, but also aesthetically-pleasing.

The bracelet, he decided, was a perfect choice. It was simple yet elegant – a thin, metal cuff, with the words Daniel Wellington engraved across it. He could picture Renjun wearing it, the curve of the thin bracelet accentuating his slender wrist. The hard part was choosing a colour, as both rose gold and silver were pretty and he didn’t know which Renjun would prefer.

 _What if… I get both?_ The more he thought about it, the more it made sense. He could buy one of each colour and get Renjun to pick the colour he liked, and then he would wear the other one. That way, Renjun got his gift and he’d also get bragging rights for having couple bracelets with Renjun. Delighted, Jaemin gave himself a mental pat on the back, and proceeded to order two Daniel Wellington classic cuffs. It proved to be a wise choice, judging by the way Renjun’s eyes lit up when Jaemin gave him the bracelets. He picked the rose gold one and so Jaemin started wearing the silver one. He clearly remembers when they first wore it out in public, which was during the trip to Los Angeles.

Jaemin thinks he should’ve seen the question coming – it’s not like they have been subtle with the couple bracelets at all. He recalls the times that they’ve worn it together – countless V-Live broadcasts, fan signs and music shows. He doesn’t take it off if he can help it, but he knows Renjun doesn’t like wearing accessories as much, which makes him even more appreciative of each time he decides to wear it. Jaemin has never forced Renjun to wear it in public with him, preferring to let him wear it whenever he wants, so just knowing that he’s worn it so often makes Jaemin’s insides feel warm and fuzzy.

The next time this question is asked, which happens to be on a Celuv TV interview with NCT Dream, Jaemin is much better prepared. He confidently answers that he bought it for Renjun as his birthday present, and even emphasises the fact that it’s a couple bracelet. He and Renjun show off their bracelets in front of the camera, the rose gold and silver bracelets side by side, encircling their wrists.

“I really like it,” says Renjun.

Jaemin doesn’t know why he feels light-headed for the rest of the day.

 

 

After Go, they come back with Black on Black. It’s an intense dance performance song that features all 18 members of the current NCT lineup, and is the most challenging dance yet. Renjun corners Jaemin after dance practice one day, two weeks before they’re scheduled to perform the song for the first time.

“Jaemin-ah, how are you feeling? Your back… is it okay?” Renjun asks, brows knit in concern.

“Yeah, don’t worry about it. I’m fine.” Jaemin wipes his sweat with a towel and gives him a small smile.

Renjun is unmoved. He frowns. “I don’t like it. I don’t think it’s right – they shouldn’t be letting you support Mark, not when you’ve just come back from a serious injury.”

Jaemin sighs. “I swear I’m alright, Injun-ah. I’ve completely recovered, so don’t think about it.”

“You make it sound like no big deal, but don’t you know how worried I am every time you exert yourself?” Renjun reaches out to take Jaemin’s hand in both of his own, smaller hands holding onto Jaemin’s larger one. He locks eyes with Jaemin. “I don’t want you to ever have to leave us again.”

Before Jaemin can respond, Renjun motions for him to sit down, before doing so himself. “I never told you this, but we were all so worried,” he begins. “The communication on SM’s side was terrible. There were so many rumours that I didn’t know what was going to happen, and I was scared. Some were saying they wouldn’t allow you to promote full-time, some were saying they planned on removing you from Dream entirely. You have no idea how anxious I was. I didn’t want to lose a,” Renjun hesitates, “a close friend,” he decides. Jaemin isn’t exactly surprised by this information, since he’s heard it before, but it’s his first time hearing Renjun mention it. He had no idea that the other Dream members had heard the rumours as well.

“Basically, my point is, I’m done with how things were. I want you happy and healthy and by my side. So please, if anything’s up, tell someone. Me, Jeno, manager-hyung, anyone at all. Just know that we’ll always be here for you, no matter what.” Renjun’s still holding his hand and Jaemin’s heart threatens to burst from his chest. He grins with the knowledge that Renjun is worried for his sake.

Renjun cares for people differently, Jaemin’s realised. He’s the kind of person who will notice things about you but pretend not to look, and then care for you with his actions while scolding you with his words. He doesn’t often show concern in front of cameras, but prefers to do it in private, away from prying eyes.

Placing his free hand over Renjun’s hands, Jaemin tries to soothe him, “Thanks a lot, Injun-ah. You’re a really good friend and I’m so lucky to have you. I know you’re worried but you really shouldn’t be because I’ve fully recovered. And I know my own limits. I know my body can take it. Mark-hyung really isn’t that heavy,” he tries to end off on a light note, though Renjun isn’t laughing.

The latter worries his lower lip, evidently still unsatisfied with the way things are. A pause, then he says, “Fine, I’ll let it go for now. But promise me you’ll say something if you’re in pain or uncomfortable in any way.”

Jaemin clasps their hands together as tightly as he can and looks him straight in the eye, trying to show Renjun that he means it. “Injunnie, I promise,” he tells him with the whole of his heart.

“Good,” Renjun whispers, and Jaemin’s heart clenches at the small smile Renjun flashes his way.

 

 

It is Jaemin’s idea to include the handholding in the choreography for Miracle, NCT’s opening performance at the Dream Concert. Super Junior’s original choreography had nothing of the sort –  they danced separately before Hangeng held Sungmin in his arms – but Jaemin thinks it’d be cute and he really wants to do it with Renjun. After some thought the latter agrees, on one condition – he would be the one supporting Jaemin after the spin. Originally, Jaemin was supposed to hold Renjun after he spun, but Renjun refused and said something along the lines of “he was a man not a princess” and told them to “stop height discrimination”. Jaemin acquiesces to his demands, of course – he doesn’t really mind either way, as long as he got to do the part with him.

That doesn’t stop Renjun from complaining about the handholding, though. “Stop whining. I know you’re secretly happy about that part,” Jaemin says after their first rehearsal. Personally, he doesn’t think anything will top the feeling of Renjun’s fingers intertwined with his own, albeit only for a fleeting moment.

“Touching your sweaty palm? I’d rather not, thank you very much.” Renjun, sitting beside him in the dance studio, scrunches his nose and pretends to be disgusted; Jaemin just laughs at how cute he looks. Contrary to what he claims, Jaemin knows Renjun definitely doesn’t dislike it, considering how often he flushes and looks away when they make eye contact for the briefest of moments while holding hands.

“You’re just lying to yourself. No one can resist the charms of Na Jaemin,” Jaemin says, adding a wink for good measure. Renjun closes his eyes in apparent exasperation, but the reddening tips of his ears give him away.

“Gross, can you two take it somewhere private, please?” Jisung shouts from behind them. Used to the sharp tongue of the youngest, Jaemin just laughs while Renjun exhales deeply.

“I’m leaving,” declares the latter, going to pick up his bag from the floor.

“Come on, Injun-ah, stay,” Jaemin whines as he catches Renjun’s wrist with his hand, pulling him back.

Renjun clicks his tongue and shakes his head. “Ugh, you’re so –”

“Lovable?”

“Insufferable!” Seeing that the other boy has no intention of letting go, Renjun sighs heavily and sits back down, still obviously irritated. Jaemin throws an arm over his shoulder and pulls faces at Renjun until he cracks a smile, grudge forgotten.

 

 

In between schedules, Jaemin and Renjun cook at the dorms. Jaemin likes to make _tanghulu_ , assorted fruits on skewers coated with a thick layer of caramelised sugar that the members dub “calorie bombs”. Renjun especially adores them, and the two often snack on them while watching movies together, much to their manager’s chagrin. Meanwhile, Renjun usually whips up Chinese dishes, most of which he picked up from his mum back in Jilin.

“How does everything you cook taste so good?” Jaemin asks in between mouthfuls of scrambled eggs and tomato, his favourite Renjun dish. Initially he was sceptical about the combination, but after he had his first taste he fell in love with it and never looked back. Jeno, on the other hand, refused point blank to try the “scary-looking” dish. Jaemin honestly doesn’t understand Jeno’s taste buds, and feels offended on Renjun’s behalf, because why would anyone not eat such a delicious dish? Eventually though, he takes it in a positive light.

“More for me, then,” he would tell Jeno.

“Honestly, there’s no secret. In Chinese cooking, we just take random ingredients and toss them around in a wok for a bit –” Here, he’s interrupted by Jaemin’s sudden burst of laughter.

“Sorry, I just,” Jaemin chortles, “you really make it sound like you’re not even trying.”

Renjun raises a brow in puzzlement. “I’m not, though. It really is that simple. As long as you add salt and sometimes light soy sauce, it should taste decent.”

A beat later, Renjun asks, “Do you want to learn?”

Jaemin blinks, not sure where he’s going with this.

“I can teach you.”

_Oh._

“Sure, why not?” He gamely stands up, rolling up his sleeves. “I bet it’ll be fun.”

And it is. Jaemin spends the next hour or so learning a few different dishes from Renjun by following the latter’s instructions to the best of his ability. Of course, Renjun has to step in once or twice, but Jaemin largely cooks on his own and his chest swells with an immense sense of pride as he plates his last dish. It’s a little lacklustre compared to Renjun’s version, but Jaemin thinks he’s done well enough on the first try.

“Would you like the honour of tasting my cooking?” Jaemin bows in mock formality and hands Renjun a pair of chopsticks, which he accepts with a nod and a chuckle. Jaemin waits with bated breath as he tastes each dish one after the other, taking small bites and chewing carefully.

“It’s not bad for your first time, really,” he nods in approval after he’s done with the last dish. “Give it some practice, and you probably won’t need me to cook for you anymore.”

“I still prefer yours though.” Jaemin’s honesty causes Renjun’s cheeks to tinge pink. _He’s been doing that a lot lately_ , Jaemin observes.

“So you’ll just starve without me?” Renjun asks jokingly, tilting his head.

“I won’t, because you’ll always be by my side, won’t you?” Jaemin asks, flashing a wider-than-usual smile. Taken aback, Renjun just blinks for a few moments.

“Uh… yes.” 

“You hesitated! I’m really hurt, Injun-ah.” Jaemin makes a show of clutching his chest, face twisted into an expression of agony, and pretends to sob. Amused by his overdramatic antics, Renjun starts laughing uncontrollably, and Jaemin follows.

“Your face… is so… ugly…” Renjun chokes out in between laughs. Soon enough the two of them are on the floor, convulsing with laughter. They don’t notice Mark walking past and sighing deeply, rubbing his temples.

 

 

Sometimes, when they’re not busy with schedules, they compose songs together. It becomes a common sight to find Renjun in Jaemin’s room, humming tunes and scribbling down notes, while Jaemin creates background music with different sounds on his laptop and experiments with its arrangement. When they’ve finished with the instrumentals, they like to write the lyrics together, drawing upon their own experiences and bouncing ideas off each other.

“Do you think we’ll ever be as good at composing as Taeyong-hyung?” Renjun asks one day, not looking up from the chords he’s filling in.

“We’ll get there if we keep practising,” Jaemin responds, humming a segment of their latest creation. It’s a song about youth, dealing with the aspirations and insecurities that come with growing up. The message is something that’s close to their hearts, since they’ve both gone through their fair share of struggles and had to mature much earlier than their peers. Jaemin thinks that he’s done so much growing up over the past two years – debuting at a young age, juggling school with work, coping with his back injury, coupled with the constant pressure to be at his best. Truth be told, there were times when he wanted to give up being an idol and just wished to be a normal teenager without all the public scrutiny. To attend classes without having to rush off to schedules or practices all the time. To make friends with his classmates, who he barely had time to talk to. To fully immerse himself in books and studies, instead of skimming through textbooks while in waiting rooms. And to just take his time growing up, rather than feel his adolescence slip through his grasp.

He glances at Renjun and realises how much he’s grown, too. For one, he’s taller now – still skinny, but with better body proportions. He’s also much more confident, talking a lot more in front of the cameras and allowing his true personality to shine. Jaemin reminisces about the first time they met and how he decided to take the older under his wing almost immediately, taking it upon himself to help him settle down in Korea. He recalls sharing food with Renjun in between practice sessions and bonding over their common love for music. A smile plays on his lips while he reflects on how their friendship has blossomed through the years.

Renjun’s soft voice breaks the companionable silence. “Jaemin-ah, should I transpose this part to a higher key?” When Jaemin doesn’t reply, Renjun looks up and notices his pensiveness. He puts down his pencil. “What are you thinking about?”

There’s a period of quiet as Jaemin gathers his thoughts. “Don’t you think it’s a little scary? Our teenage years, passing us by in a flash. We’ve grown and matured so much – in fact I freak out when I see Jisung because I still can’t believe he’s not a baby – but we haven’t had the chance to have a typical childhood. We’ll be adults next year and yet, I feel like I’ve missed out on so much.”

“Do you regret it?”

The question takes him by surprise. “I don’t know. Possibly. I just wish I knew what a normal life was like.”

Renjun hums thoughtfully; Jaemin peers at him over his laptop. “What about you? Do you regret it?”

“No. Because I get to do what I love, with the people I love. Jaemin-ah, I’ve dreamt of becoming a singer since I was twelve. Every semester when my teacher asked me about my dream, my answer stayed the same. I did all I could to be here today, and I’d do it all again in a heartbeat,” Renjun answers firmly. Jaemin admires that about him. Renjun is the sort of person who never wavers in the face of self-doubt, always facing obstacles with the same quiet determination.

He thinks it’s ironic that Renjun has the (cutest) habit of saying “Renjun, the one who lights up the world!” whenever he switches on the lights. He only says it for fun but it’s truer than he realises. Because Renjun already lights up Jaemin’s world with the brightness of a thousand suns. Brilliant, talented, diligent, motivated, kind Renjun – who is the most beautiful human being Jaemin has ever known.

“You’re brave. You’ve always known what you wanted to do,” Jaemin says, closing the lid of his laptop and putting it aside. “I was casted in middle school while volunteering. Before that I wanted to be a doctor,” he chuckles a little at that. “But one thing after another happened and now I’m here. Sometimes I still wonder what would’ve happened if I said no to SM. How different my life would be.”

Renjun nods – his eyes are sparkling. “I understand, those are valid questions that everyone has from time to time. It’s normal to wonder about alternative routes your life could’ve taken.” He sounds so wise, Jaemin thinks he can be a therapist. “But I think there’s one question that’s more important for you to answer.”

Jaemin’s curiosity is piqued. “And that is?”

“Are you happy?”

Three words. A simple question with a simple answer, but it’s getting _to_ the answer that is complicated. Jaemin thinks of a million things at once – fans cheering tirelessly for them at every event, late night suppers with the members, travelling to different countries, dancing so hard that he collapses on the floor afterwards, going on interviews, filming music videos, falling asleep in the company van, the hyungs treating them to food. Jisung, Chenle, Mark, Donghyuck, Jeno. Renjun, Renjun, _Renjun_.

The answer comes to him like light at the end of a tunnel – slowly, then all at once, illuminating the recesses of his mind with utmost clarity.

“Yes. Yes I am.”

 

 

They end promotions with NCT 2018 on a high note. The members gather in Jaemin’s room to celebrate, sitting in a circle with one of Renjun’s scented candles lit in the middle. Donghyuck comments that they look like they’re performing a ritual and all seven of them promptly burst out laughing. It takes ages for them to calm down again.

“Cheers to a successful comeback!” Mark shouts, glass raised high up in the air.

“Cheers!” They echo. The glass-clinking lasts for almost five minutes, because Mark insists that they all clink glasses with everyone else and Jeno and Jisung keep forgetting who they’ve done it with already. None of them are legal except Mark, so instead of beer, they down apple juice.

“I can’t wait to lie in bed the whole day tomorrow and only have to get up to make ramen. What are schedules? I only know my bed,” Chenle says, eyes closed in an expression of bliss, probably imagining himself wrapped in his blankets.

“Same. I’ve been so tired, I’ll probably end up sleeping the entire day,” Mark assents as he stretches his arms and rotates his neck. Jaemin flinches at the audible crick he hears. Mark really is getting old.

“I’ll miss this though. Soon, we won’t be able to get together like this,” Jeno remarks.

The mood grows sombre – everyone knows that he’s referring to Mark’s impending graduation. It’s a something that the members generally avoid thinking about even though it’s looming on the horizon, because it’s just too painful. To Jaemin, Mark is the older brother he never had, who he’s relied on since his trainee days. Even with the weight of all his responsibilities, Mark still makes time for every single one of them, and Jaemin thinks that’s really admirable.

“I can’t imagine what it’d be like without you, hyung,” Donghyuck says. Today is one of the rare times he’s actually sincere and not trying to crack a joke. Jaemin knows that of all the members, Donghyuck’s taking Mark’s imminent departure the hardest. They’d been close since predebut – the special bond between them unmatched by anyone else. Though they’ll both be in NCT 127 together, Jaemin understands that it won’t be the same.

“Yeah, I can’t believe I’ll have to deal with these kids myself.” Renjun gestures at the rest of the members, feigning annoyance. “What would I do without you to rein them in? They’ll walk all over me.”

Jisung shakes his head. “We’ll listen to you if you treat us better. Petition for Renjun-hyung to stop physical violence against children. All in favour, say ‘aye’.”

A chorus of ‘aye’s sound in unison, and Jaemin snickers when he sees Mark joining in. Renjun looks offended as he shoots daggers at the members one by one.

“Mark-hyung, how could you! You’re not even a kid,” says Renjun indignantly. “Plus, I treat you best out of everyone.”

Mark simply shrugs, laughing. Jaemin sips his apple juice quietly and says nothing, watching the drama unfold.

“Guess Winwin-hyung is the only one I can trust. You guys are terrible,” Renjun huffs without malice.

The atmosphere turns light-hearted as they discuss the respective merits of the hyungs. They agree that Taeyong nags a lot but is the most generous, Johnny is the funniest, and Doyoung is generally nice but practises obvious favouritism (case in point: Jeno). When a lull occurs in the conversation, Mark returns to the previous topic, wanting to reassure his dongsaengs as much as he can.

“We’ll still be together as NCT, right? We may not perform together anymore, but we’ll still see each other. And we’ll have these memories to hold onto, always,” Mark says earnestly – he appears even more mature now, his words sensible and sincere. “And I’m sure the new members debuting every year will be equally as deserving of their places.”

“We know, hyung. But growing up is scary. I don’t want to,” says Jisung, shaking his head vehemently, while Jeno concurs. Jaemin, too, can’t imagine a future where Jisung isn’t the youngest, or where Mark isn’t their hyung, or where it’s not the same seven of them together like this. It feels wrong somehow.

But the future is the future, and what will come will come. Jaemin remembers how, before the two Chinese members came into the picture, he once thought it would just be the five of them always – Mark, Donghyuck, Jeno, Jaemin and Jisung.

Now he can’t imagine not having Renjun and Chenle in his life.

Jaemin has always been afraid of growing up. Growth meant change and change meant losing a sense of familiarity. It meant having to reorient himself and adjust to new things. It meant being uprooted from what was grounding him.

But growth brings change and change also brings hope. A funny thing, hope – often flourishing where reason and logic fail. And it is that same hope that spurs him to open his mouth and tell the rest, “We’ll be okay.”

They will – Jaemin believes it with all of his heart.

 

 

It’s been a while since they’ve ended promotions and the dorms are oddly quiet. Usually it’s buzzing with noise, as expected when you have seven boys living together, but today there’s not a sound to be heard, save the occasional thrum of traffic on the roads outside. Only Jaemin and Renjun are at the dorms, with the rest having gone out to participate in their individual schedules.

They decide to watch a movie, Renjun squeezing beside Jaemin on his bed, laptop balanced in between them.

“What movie do you want to watch?” Renjun asks casually as he turns on the laptop.

Jaemin knows he probably will end up watching Renjun more than the movie anyway, so he shrugs. “I’m fine with anything. You decide.”

They settle down, propping themselves up with pillows and tucking their legs under the covers. As Renjun busies himself with finding the movie, Jaemin slowly tilts his head to lean on his shoulder. Renjun doesn’t seem to mind.

As the movie loads ( _Moana_ , Jaemin notes idly), Renjun turns to look at him and Jaemin’s heart skips a beat. He’s so close that Jaemin can see himself in those dark orbs. Then Renjun smiles – eyes narrowing into crescents, cheekbones raised, the dimple on his left cheek showing. It’s the kind of smile that feels like a cool breeze on a hot summer’s day, refreshing and comforting and leaving Jaemin wanting more.

“Jaemin-ah, hold my hand,” Renjun says in a voice so soft that Jaemin wouldn’t have heard it if not for their proximity. He is a tad surprised, because rarely does Renjun ever reciprocate, let alone initiate, skinship. The surprise is quickly replaced by a giddy euphoria that spreads throughout his entire body, overwhelming him.

“Okay.” Jaemin laces their fingers together and feels the heat of Renjun’s palm pressed against his own, awed by how well his smaller hand fits in his. Almost as if they’re meant to be. As the movie plays, he simply basks in the warmth of the older boy, like a sunflower seeking the sun.

A metallic glint peeking out from under Renjun’s left sleeve catches Jaemin’s attention. He reaches over to pull back the sleeve – and there it is. The rose gold bracelet that Jaemin bought, seemingly ages ago, back in its rightful place at last. Disbelievingly, Jaemin traces it with the tip of his finger. It’s cool to the touch, catching the light and reflecting it brilliantly. Jaemin thought Renjun had forgotten about the bracelet long ago and didn’t want to bother him by asking him to wear it, but here it is in all its glory.

Jaemin is lost for words.

Eventually, he finds his tongue. “You wore it!”

Renjun smiles rather sheepishly. “I know you went through great lengths to get me a gift, and I know you really wanted me to wear it with you. I’m sorry I didn’t wear it more often, but I promise to do so from now on.”

“Am I dreaming?” Everything’s too good to be true that Jaemin fears he would wake up at any moment. “But you’re so pretty, even in a dream…”

A blush rises to Renjun’s cheeks. “Ya! Don’t push it.” With his free hand, Renjun aims for Jaemin’s neck and starts to tickle him, only stopping when he squirms and begs for forgiveness. Even then, neither of them lets go, hands still clasped tightly together.

Jaemin feels the sudden urge to ask Renjun a question, something he’s been thinking about ever since the night that all of them gathered together drinking apple juice.

“You’ll be by my side, won’t you?” Jaemin asks, heart racing. He feels an odd sense of déjà vu, like the same scene has happened before, except – 

This time, Renjun answers without missing a beat.

“Always.”

**Author's Note:**

> i didn't expect to write 10k of headcanon dump ;_; but i honestly really love the relationship between the two, so i tried to come up with backstories to the various moments we saw, and i hope i did justice to this beautiful ship. i touched upon various themes in this fic, which hopefully all makes sense, although i'm not really happy with my writing here.
> 
> this is my first time writing for nct as i'm relatively new to the fandom, so please forgive any mistakes i might've made. please do leave comments (i absolutely love feedback and will reply to every single one) or send questions/prompts my way on cc (curiouscat.me/jaeminsrenjun)! i do hope i can write more for nct in the future :) thank you for stopping by <3 
> 
> p.s. i feel like renmin have a 友达以上，恋人未满 (more than friends, less than lovers) relationship so i tried to portray that to the best of my ability. 
> 
> p.p.s. if you want to be friends, hit me up on twitter (@jaeminsrenjun) i'm always up to rant about renmin or anything else really and i do want to meet more ppl in fandom so don't hesitate to talk to me ❤️


End file.
